last night

Tonight marks my last night getting paid to watch television all night.  My official job title was (fortunately for my resume) “Post Production Technical Assistant,” and I suppose there is a kernel of truth in that, but – in truth – I was a professional TV watcher for the last eleven months.  In spite of the physical and emotional toll it took (among other things), I will – no doubt –  look back on this as one of the more unusual and memorable things I’ve gotten paid to do.

Tonight I’m getting paid to watch “Bubba Ho Tep,” which is a welcome and unusual respite from The Hills and TNA Wrestling.  Of course it’s my last night.

In six hours I am flying to Mexico, where I plan to find the answers to all my questions in a bottle of tequila and a warm tortilla.  Fuck you, Rilke – I’m sick of living the questions, I want answers.

a lot of pieces

I have exactly one week left as an employee of MTV, which comes not a moment too soon, but actually about six months too late.  While I’m not going to deny the initial novelty of getting paid to watch TV all night in the heart of Times Square, the novelty quickly wore off, and working from midnight to 6 or 7 in the morning made me a sort-of ghost during my first year in NYC.  Looking back, I think the only thing that kept me somewhat together was the sleeping girlfriend I came home to every morning.

For the last two weeks, I haven’t had a sleeping girlfriend to come home to every morning – just an overwhelmingly empty apartment with a space on the bed where she used to lie, nails in the walls where our photos used to hang, and a cat that stares at me and asks me where she went.

Soon the cat will be gone, too.

Immediately after I finish my last night at MTV I’m flying to Mexico.  Coverage got into a film festival down there, and they’re paying for my lodging for ten days.  Exciting, yes.  It will be good to get away, is a popular sentiment.

As soon as I get back to New York I start a new job – a day job, and a big step up from watching TV for a living.  I’ll finally be awake when other people are awake, sleeping when other people sleep, and yet…

It’s as if I’m being given these big pieces of happiness, but with an even bigger catch – these pieces lose their heft without her, and they can’t replace the pieces that she took with her when she left.

She took a lot of pieces, some of which I fear I may never get back.

In the end, though, I just miss her.

I miss her so goddamned much.

I’ll text you.

A car on my street has had an incessantly sounding horn for the entirety of almost the last hour.  Am I the only one to notice this at 7:30 in the morning, or am I the only one to get annoyed by it?

I’m going to try to sleep in spite of the damn noise, take my revenge in dream-state, if I can fit it in amongst all the other things I have planned for my slumber.

I intend to post far more often than I do, although I suppose that’s obvious.

Recent life events merit a blog post which I’ve been intending for far too long, but which I am now far too tired to begin, so you will have to stay tuned for all the excitement.

I’ll text you.